Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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