Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
