So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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