How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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