Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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