you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
