When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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