he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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