google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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