im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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