If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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