If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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