i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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