i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
