1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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