my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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