so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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