Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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