Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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