I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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