i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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