East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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