he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
