am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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