Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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