So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
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they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
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If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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