I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
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We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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