I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
