3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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