I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's Friday. Sex?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
