um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
