Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
