So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
whose ass print is on the piano?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
