Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
