Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
