smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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