I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize