so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Acid is not a monday night drug
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I party with great urgency now.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
