I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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