Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
...so i touched it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
