he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
