We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
