I cockslap morals
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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