there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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