You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
