She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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