Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
