id be glad to
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's just so happy...and so naked.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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