I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
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Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize