How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
