My room smells like vodka and shame
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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