i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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