this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
