dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
