just come out here and I will go home with you...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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