you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
