So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
lol hangovers are for mortals.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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