The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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