You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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