she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
